Teens are gross – 13 year old boys are grosser. 11 year old girls are grossest. No matter how you try to teach them, what techniques, guidance or punishment you give them – they are gross! I am a super-organized, neat freak, and ultra conscious about hygiene. My husband …. Is not. I thought between the two of us, the kids would balance out to be generally average – occasionally have bad hygiene, but overall take care of themselves. Being clean and organized without being overly anxious about it. The reality is so much different. They would rather go play with friends, or get on electronics, then clean their room, or brush their teeth. Finding my own balance with them and their grossness has been a journey.

Because I am a neat freak, I decided a compromise of sorts was in order. Their rooms were their zones- they could be as messy as they wanted in their space. But common areas (i.e. areas I can see/ use on a daily basis) had to be kept clean. And no food in their rooms – I cannot stand bugs of any kind in the house. If they broke the no food rule, or their rooms started to invade the rest of the house (or stank), then they lost the option to be messy and had to clean their rooms to my standards.

This was very hard for me to enforce on myself. To not interfere when their rooms were not in order. But the trade off was less fights with the kids, less whining, less drama, and overall better communication and more time spent as a family. And I accepted that, and truly it has worked for us.

However, once they step over the line- I get to clean out their rooms, and they have to keep it clean. And this is how I learned my teenagers are gross – and have a slight hoarding problem. I blame the military for that one – getting moved so often, you tend to want to hold onto things longer than you should. The best lesson I learned was that I was too strict in the past, and my kids were afraid to tell me when something was broken, so they would just hide it. I also learned more about my kids: my son holds on to cards from my Step-grandmother, because she never forgets a holiday or birthday, and always has a sweet note for him. He also doesn’t want to upset people, and keeps anything that was given as a gift, so they don’t get upset. My daughter is extremely hard on herself, and if a drawing or anything she is working on isn’t perfect, she tears it up and starts from scratch. But she keeps all of her work to look back on and keeps mementoes from everything.

Balance gave us all better communication, more patience, and considerably better understanding of what we needed from each other. What is something you are passionate about, that may seem overbearing to your kids?